I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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