She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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