the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
