i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Terrible idea I love it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
