and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
