You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
