He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
