As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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