Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
