i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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