I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
