How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
another moral hangover. fuck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
