dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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