I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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