The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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