Will you blow on my dice?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
