So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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