when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
