he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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