One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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