The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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