Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
