I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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