so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love accidental penises.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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