If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
