Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
