What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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