I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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