god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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