How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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