if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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