dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
