Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize