I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
