I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
