Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
