so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
