I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
