I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
