I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
