It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
