He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He felt like a one man threesome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
