Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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