I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Still dying that you shit outside
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
