oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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