So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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