I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
