i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
