I'm gonna have a badass scar
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
