she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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