I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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