im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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