I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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