ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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