about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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