I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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