I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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