Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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