Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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