well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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