glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
