you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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