i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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