I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
