A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im part way to drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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