OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
