i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
