i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize