oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize