And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
