We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
