I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
