Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
